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Actually I'm pretty sure I can use slurs however I like, but if it makes you more comfortable I'll just say, yeah, I'm pretty sure you're a sparkling fairy homoqueer.

[enrages]

[ dragging self up to slump all over the table again ]

Your ass is a sparkling fairy homoqueer-- not even said in a derogatory way, because there is nothing wrong with sparkling, fairies, or homoqueers.

[counterclock]

Goddamn right my ass is a sparkling fairy homoqueer. That's basically the whole point.

[She would help him but that would require touching. So no.]